4/24/2004 12:59:09 PM

Have been spending the last week fasting and cleansing on Ko Sumai an island south of Thailand, near Phuket and halfway in between Thailand and Malaysia. "Thai food is so great, why would you go there to fast?" were many queries to my decision to take this 'vacation' within my trip. Well, it gives your body a rest and chance to 'clean out'. It gets rid of A LOT OF SHIT. You get 'to look at your own shit' in a very tangible way and this is not necessairily a bad thing. I have another half day to go and then I can have some fruit and a salad tomorrow. It is interesting to see how by not eating what you do. We are given supplements and detox drinks which fill up our tummys and keep us going. I started with having a massage every day, but got tired of that. Hanging in my hammock reading on the balcony of my bungalow is awfully nice something I never thought I'd do. I'm even getting a tan in my new string bikini. It's never too late to wear a bikini!

It gets a bit graphic here, be warned:
So how do I feel? It ranges. A bit lightheaded to kind of wiped out to wired to really low. The funny thing is feelings from my past come up and then drift off. Floating out of me like the crap that comes out of me from the colemas (hybrid of colonic and enema; coffee in am and garlic in pm), all different shapes and colors...it's kind of amazing. I feel like I've given my body a wonderful gift and my personality is a bit resentful. 'I'm hungry!' it cries. I try to reason with it, but this 'inner child' is pitching a fit. I go have a coconut or a broth then the kid feels better and nods off. I never thought I would be able to do something like this. It is a readjustment to ones sensitivities. I feel I've become more protective of what I am able to do and deal with (people, places and things). Going into town is a bit daunting; loud with lots of bars and restaurants, too much 'party on' energy, too much food out in the open!

Having others around to talk to makes it so much easier. A process like this is a great leveler; everyone is kind of hungry or tired or spaced out and everybody is talking about their shit (literally). As the days pass people start talking about food, actually audibly fantasizing about food. But nobody looks at the menu. Ironically at the resort, it has one of the best restaurants in Asia (go figure). I look forward to having a nice dinner of something really simple tomorrow and then a really nice lunch the next day. I look forward to going back to India because besides the salad I'm craving, I would LOVE some rotis and yogurt (really). Last night the cable movie was 'The Pianist'. There were more than a few people sitting here in their bungalows empathisizing with the protaganist starving in Warsaw during WWII and finally having bread and jam....it's a small world after all? One with everything? Actually, I'd like to have 'one with everything' on toast.

So some of the physical effects that are positive is being flexible in a way that is fantastic! (This is one of the reasons I did it), my first attempt at practice was even slower than my snail pace (got winded easily), but wow, what a difference! Plus losing a bit of weight as well as really soft skin, etc. I also know that I have a 'fresh start' on what I put into my body. A great opportunity to be a wiser in my culinary choices. Or, some people just 'detox to retox'. I think I fall somewhere in-between. I think of becoming more macrobiotic in my food balance, and I would consider doing a 1-day fast once a month. We'll see. At the moment I look forward to having mangos as they are now in season, chewing might even be an erotic experience after all this sipping.



4/20/2004 06:12:25 PM

Backing up a little here...
I arrived in Bangkok in the middle of Song Kran, which is Thai new year. It is a 3 day 'water festival', that means you can pour water on anyone you want because it means good luck. There is very little traffic and the streets are empty, except for the dilligent, mostly soaked-to-the-skin young people on the sidewalk or driving around in flatbed trucks with huge plastic buckets of water and water guns and smaller buckets, dumping water on cars, people, basically anything in their path. I was very fortunate, I got lightly doused buy a 3 year old and that's it. Anyway, it was strange to be in a giant city that was a ghost town. It's very clean, rich and westernized here and I was told the street food sold by the vendors is totally OK. After India, I was skeptical, but it's true. The hard part was finding vegetarian food. It's like the meal is unfinished if it doesn't have animal protein in it. Not a lot of it, but for flavor. There would be eight dishes in front of me and only one would be 'just vegetables'. Most of the time they would then give me lots of rice, to 'compensate' I guess. It's funny writing about food in the middle of a fast (the next chapter) I could start getting very into the details of what I ate, but I'll stop here, just to save everyone the tedium. Here are some brief highlights:

Went to the floating market where I had these great coconut crepes, the lady who made them on her canoe like longboat with a small stove and packed them in a bag made out of paper formally used for spreadsheets, put it on a hook on a stick with a cup attatched and she hoisted it over, I took the bag, gave her 10 bhat (about 25 cents)into the cup and it was exquisite. I do digress.

Went to this 7 story giant asia-does-the-west style mall. If I had any epileptic tendencies, I would have had a fit. Omigod!!! It is so incredibly overstimulating, it's like the movie 'Brazil' and anything Japanese anime in a nuclear meltdown! It is a paradise for teenagers. Also if you want to buy fake designer ANYTHING, you have come to Mecca.

Went to the Grand Palace and saw the 'Emerald Buddha' sporting his summer costume. He gets changed 3 times a year with great ceremony, winter, summer and monsoon. This is a Buddhist country with Hindu undertones. There are pictures of Ganesh all around (made me happy) as well as Shiva and Parvati, right in the temples with the Buddha. Also the legacy of the last 9 kings are Ram 1, etc. It's interesting how things hybrid culturally, isn't it? Of course I think of 'The King & I and the song "I am Siamese if you please". etc., but, that's my hybrid.

A N Y W A Y... stayed at a lovely enclave in the thick of all this, it's very woody and leafy and laid back, it's called Suk 11 (suk11.com check it out) you wouldn't believe it was in the middle of a huge city! They have a common meeting area, serve fresh fruit for breakfast and play terrific music. One morning they were playing Tori Amos and I just sat there revelling. She was one thing I didn't get on the iPod from Nigel. So much stuff, but no Tori*sigh*. I like Bangkok, but now, hungry and sitting on an island drinking coconuts, it's nice to be away from the asphalt and concrete. No, I'm not shipwrecked, I'm at a spa, but that of course is the next post. La gone (which is a phonetic spelling of goodbye in Thai).



4/11/2004 12:43:28 PM

Whenever I spoke to anyone about Varanase/Benares that had been there the feeling were always strong, with fondness or repulsion and sometimes both at the same time. I promised people I would come here, they made me do it. Hearing the intensity of these sentiments; it made me wary. Well, it's all true. This is one of the filthiest places I've ever been, (I keep going back to the hotel to take a shower) in tandem with being reputed as one of, if not, THE holiest city in India. Perhaps here, they go together. God is everywhere, in everything, but let me not get ahead of myself.

In my desire to be cautious and lateness in making reservations, I ended up staying in the most western setting I have been in since arriving, The Taj Hotel-Ganges. My activites have been the most western since arriving: watching cable TV, a preoccupation with my e-mail, fretting about what to eat, not wanting to leave air conditioned environments, judging other westerners. This is the yin part of my visit. The yang is going to temples, boat rides on the Ganges and visiting Sarnath, reputed place of the Buddha's first sermon. The author of 'The Mahabarahta' sat at the Tulsi Ghat and wrote it looking out onto the Ganges. It started here first, folks. Gopal, my boatman, asked politely if I wanted to bathe in the Ganges, I declined. I did dunk my mala beads and float little cups of flowers with candles in the water though. Don't know if these actions have washed away my sins, we'll see I guess.

It's funny, but my visit coincides with Easter. I tried explaining the holiday to Gopal, as we rowed past one of the burning ghats (those are used for burning bodies). A quick whiff and I was reminded of 9/11 (scent/memory, very visceral). I think the word 'ascension' kind of lost him. I went on to explain how it was a big happy holiday with much celebrating. Another irony (tangent) is that I think Passover started tuesday and for dinner that evening, I was served an indian version of potato pancakes, by decision of the cook at V's house. Go figure, it's India.

My preoccupation with the traffic here has reached a new high in the realm of morbid fascination. It's more insane than any of the other places I've been. Imagine if Venice wasn't pedestrian, and a lot dirtier (garbage and shit abound), without canals or piazzas. That's kind of what it's like. Anyway, there are bicycle rickshaws, (sounds charming right?) kind of like a surrey (without fringe on top) or victorian carriage, but smaller, attatched to a bicycle and constructed in lightweight steel. Some are very decorated: bas reliefs work, painted bright colors, ripped hoods looking like windblown umbrellas. They are much smaller than an old fashioned carriage, they can hold an entire Indian family (creatively placed) or two westerners. When there is a family in the vehicle it resembles a circus act (the 'flying wallenda brothers' comes to mind). Observing the westerners, who have a mild expression of terror overlaid with acute discomfort and the strong desire to be out of their body (not via ascension, just the hope they'll make it back to the hotel) makes me glad I hired a car and driver. These rickshaws are menacing. They will do anything to continue to move forward. My friends who were here a few weeks ago were run down by one (resulting in scratches and bruises and limping away from the scene). It's not quite the 'Ben Hur' chariot scene, but it's not something you want to mess with. I hired a car and driver, rather he adopted me. I pay him to take me around, that's more the method.

So what about Varanase being the 'heartbeat of India', 'an incredibly spiritual place', the holiest city in India? I don't know. Despite the debacle of the rickshaw, my friends who came here sent an e-mail, saying now that they're back home, they think of Varanase often with fondness and miss it for that special feeling it gave them. I don't think they meant physical pain. It's fascinating here (and I didn't even mention the silk factory story. I tried on my first sari), but as it has moments of beauty, I see more ritual than spirituality (I don't view them as the same, but they can be), but maybe that's my ignorance. You know what they say about ignorance...it's bliss.



4/05/2004 05:39:44 PM

Arrived in Delhi, staying in the very nice guest bedroom with the extremely comfy bed at my friend V's house. I feel a bit adrift, which is how I felt when I arrived before, but this is coming from Mysore instead of fresh from New York. Wonder how I will carry with me all that I've gained from the last 2 months. Mostly miss the energy of the shala and my new formed friendships and Guruji's assisted backbends.

Went shopping around this morning at Connaught Place, all marblely and circular and I probably got there a bit too early, and Janpath which has all this 'typical Indian' stuff, brass deities and bells, the pillow covers and mirror work wall hangings, T-shirts, bags, etc. It was all a little overstimulating. At Janpath there were a couple of transvestisaris. (I had asked around before and now I knew that they were good luck, not just entertainment for gaping tourists) and I gave them some rupees. "Blessings," he/she said, and I instantly felt better, lighter, things seemed more fun. I don't know why, it was just another one of those India kinda things.

My little bubble has faded; it's Delhi in your face. It seems like a difficult place to have thoughts and room to have tender feelings. I spent the afternoon napping and reading. It's a place to protect yourself. Maybe I am just dealing with the north in a big city. I wonder what home will be like when I (eventually) return? I have cleared an interior courtyard in V's house to practice tomorrow am, this will aid me in my 'protection' and give me the roots I need now for being on the road.

At this internet cafe I can't upload photos, will see if V will let me from his house. My next stop, Varanase I hear it is impossible to do much of anything cyber. I guess it's not the kind of place for that kind of stuff, or something. Will post upon return. Still down in Delhi for a few more days. At Connaught Place I kept getting, "Madame where are you from?" My answer, "not from here."